In a woman's life many things effect how she portrays herself, if she can hold her head up high, and if you can see her beautiful spirit behind her eyes. Most of my life I struggled with my weight, which in turn affected my self-esteem. My struggle started in middle school. I would compare myself to the girls that wore a size 0, when I was easily a size 8. I was never a cheerleader, dancer or even part of the band because I was never chosen to and my size kept me from fitting in with the girls that shined. My weight fluctuated all through middle school and high school to the point that I tried every means to lose or maintain my weight. Mostly by not eating or eating next to nothing. I also made myself walk 2 miles every day after dinner just to get rid of those calories in my 1 can of green beans. It probably wasn't until I was out of high school that I gained a little confidence when I caught a few guys attention. I struggled because I had a beautiful best friend and she always captured the eye of the guys and I always got the leftovers. Atleast that was always my perspective. About a month before my 21st birthday I was diagnosed with diabetes. Due to not taking care of my diabetes, I went from 200lbs down to 125 in about 2 months. At 21 that was an amazing weight loss for my ego but not healthy for my body and it wouldn't last long. For the next ten years I fluctuated from a size 8 up to a 14. I would cut carbohydrates and watch what I would eat for months and then back to eating unhealthy again. Here came the extra pounds once more. In my early 30's, I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid arthritis. You probably are wondering how that affects weight loss, well it didn't at first. Once the arthritis started to affect my joints I no longer could exercise (not that I did that much) or walk for long periods of time. After about 10 years of multiple surgeries on my ankles, knees and hips I had gained more weight and reached about 220lbs. The extra weight made walking unbearable. The pain it was causing truly made it difficult to do every day things such as showering, dressing myself, house cleaning, working and more. In 2019, I made the decision to help myself by starting a weight loss journey. This choice was looked upon as "the easy way", but let me tell you, there wasn't anything easy about it! After seeing a bariatric doctor I was told that since I had diabetes I had a better chance of getting the procedure done because your BMI doesn't have to be as high. For a person to have bariatric surgery your BMI must be 40 or over. Mine only had to be 35 however I still had the same hoops to jump through. I wasn't quite the weight needed to get the surgery but when the doctor said i would have to gain 5 pounds, I thought hold my drink i got this. After all, I could gain 5 pounds in a weekend. Grab me some pizza, ice cream and snacks, I got this.

Where do i sign? I just wasn't sure that I was capable to jump through the medical hoops the way I felt most days. I had to see a psychiatrist to make sure I would be able to handle this change and that I was mentally ready for it. I passed that with flying colors. I had to see a dietician to make sure I knew how to eat healthy prior to surgery and after surgery. That was a 6 week program. I had to have an endoscope to make sure everything down there was running right. Unfortunately, I did have a hernia, but that would be fixed during gastric bypass surgery. That also was the reason I chose gastric bypass over the gastric sleeve. Because of the hernia, about 6 months before my scheduled surgery, I started to get severe acid reflux. With chosing gastric bypass over the sleeve I would no longer have acid reflex and would never have it again. I said sign me up!! That acid reflux isn't for the weak. About a month before surgery I had to get all my clearances with my family doctor. That means I must pass an EKG, my bloodwork has to be good and my diabetic doctor has to say I'm able to get the surgery. After jumping through all the hoops, having the worst acid reflux, to the point it caused thrush, my surgery was approved. The surgery went well and I was on my way to a healthier and physically easier life. I am now 5 years out from surgery and have lost 90 pounds. I continue to maintain that weight loss and it has helped with my physical health as well. My diabetes is more under control and the pain from carrying that extra weight around has decreased tremendously. I still have pain, but because I have RA, I will never go without pain. I can't say that my journey wasn't without negative aspects, but I can say it has made my life better in more ways! It definitely helped with my self-esteem. I could barely make eye contact or engage in a conversation when people spoke to me. I was never that embarrassed to talk to people up until my weight caused me to be. Now that the "weight" is over I hope that my story can help atleast one person to see that they are not alone. Choose the journey that best helps you. Just another daily dose of T!